Iced Tea

(my favorite sweatshirt)

I do not consider myself to be high maintenance.  (My children do not read this blog.  If they did, they would be laughing hysterically now.  But they don't, so....)  For instance, I like many types of food and am happy to try new things.  I like an excellent bottle of wine, but am usually happy drinking $10 plonk from the corner store.  I have lived contentedly in many cities and towns in many states (and three different countries).  I make friends easily with people of all ages, from all backgrounds, with many different types of personality.  It is true, though, that like many, I have a caffeine routine.  And I really do not like to deviate from it. 

My routine has evolved over the years--sweet iced tea in grade school, hot tea and black coffee in high school, coffee and diet coke in college, just coffee in grad school and beyond.  Then, when I was about 30, I thought I was drinking too much caffeine and figured it would be easier to control my intake if I switched to iced tea (this time unsweetened).  (It was also consistent with my low-grade desire to needle the British, but, to be honest, I'm sure they didn't care.)  And so it has been for many years now.

I brew my own strong black tea every morning and pour it over ice.  In France, things are a little tricky because I find the calcium-laden tap water undrinkable, so I usually use bottled water for the tea and try to purchase ice cubes, which are always made with some much better water.  I often use a mixture of a couple kinds of looseleaf tea, but I am happy with a bag each of Damman Freres Darjeeling and Ceylon if I'm in a hurry.  

Depending on where I travel, I have a few strategies.  In the US, I would just rely on Starbucks, Peets, or some local coffee shop, because they know what unsweetened iced tea is.  In foreign countries, it gets a little trickier.  Even the Starbucks might not have iced tea on the menu, but it's typically not a problem.  I just order a hot black tea (extra strong) and a large cup of ice and make my own. 

Then there was our recent trip to Germany.  There was "ice tea" on the menu in many places--an undrinkable sweetened, flavored, canned beverage that may have had traces of actual black tea--but unsweetened, fresh-brewed iced tea was absent and unheard-of. 

So, daily, during our time in Germany, I embarked on a mission to find a reasonable facsimile to what I typically drink.  Conservatively, I would say that I visited at least ten different establishments in my quest for a strong black tea and a cup of ice.  I encountered the typical disappointments---"We only serve chilled, not iced, beverages, so we do not have any ice."  "Our tea is premade and already sweetened."---to more baroque excuses---"Our hot water is broken."  "We have ice cubes but we can only sell you a small number."  I actually went to the single Starbucks that I could find in the city twice, but the lines were very long and slow-moving, and neither time did I want to ask Glenn to wait for a half an hour while I procured my iced tea.  

The most frustrating and inexplicable incident occurred in a hipster-ish coffee house called Star Coffee.  The line was long, but I checked the menu first to determine that they had both fresh-brewed hot black tea and things like iced coffee and iced lattes on the menu.  I waited ten minutes or so until I reached the cashier.  I asked if they had unsweetened black iced tea.  

"No."  

Ok, no problem.  I then ordered a black tea and a cup of ice---"and could you please put less water in the black tea than normal.  And, of course, I'm happy to pay for the cup of ice."  

"Sorry, ma'am, that won't be possible."  

"Excuse me?"

"We cannot sell you those items.  If we sold you tea with less water, it would be too strong.  And then if you poured it over ice, it would be too watery."

If I had not been so dumbstruck, I would have offered to sign a waiver.  Or I would have explained that elementary results from real analysis would guarantee that the interior optimal value of tea strength could be achieved with this process.  Instead, I just left, crestfallen and tea-less.  

Eventually, an excellent (but very expensive) cup of iced tea was obtained by buying a hot tea at a self-serve coffee place in the Hauptbahnhof (near our hotel) for 3 euros 50, putting in less water than typical, and then walking across the corridor to a McDonalds, where they were happy to sell me a large cup of ice for 4 euros.  Sigh.  Germany was lovely, but it's probably good we didn't stay too long.